Ghost Jokes

Q: Where do baby ghosts go during the day?
.A: Dayscare centers.

Q. What do you get when you cross Bambi with a ghost?
A: Bamboo.

Q. What kind of mistakes do spooks make?
A: Boo boos.

Q: What does a ghost eat for lunch?
A: A BOO-logna sandwich.

Q: Where do ghosts go on vacation?
A: The Eerie canal, Lake Eerie ! or Mali-Boo

Q. What's a ghosts favorite ride at the carnival?
A: The roller ghoster.

Q: Where do ghosts buy their food?
A: At the ghost-ery store.

Q: Where do ghosts mail their letters?
A: At the ghost office.

Q: What's a ghosts favorite fruit?
A: Booberries.

Q: What kind of street does a ghost like best ?
A: A dead end !

Q: What did the baby ghost eat for dinner ?
A: A boo-loney sandwich !

Q: What do you call a ghost's mother and father ?
A: Transparents !

Q: How did the ghost song and dance act make a living ?
A: By appearing in television spooktaculars !

Q: What are little ghosts dressed in when it rains ?
A: Boo-ts and ghoul-oshes !

Q: Why are ghosts bad at telling lies ?
A: Because you can see right through them !

Q: What did the ghost teacher say to her class ?
A: Watch the board and I'll go through it again !

Q: How do ghosts learn songs ?
A: They read the sheet music !

Q: What is a ghost's favourite day of the week ?
A: Frightday !

Q: Where do ghosts get an education ?
A: High sghoul !

Q: What did the polite ghost say to her son ?
A: Don't spook until your spooken to !

Q: What do you call a ghost with a broken leg?
A: Hoblin Goblin.

Q: What do you call a prehistoric ghost ?
A: A terror-dactyl

Q: Who speaks at the ghosts' press conference ?
A: The spooksperson !

Q: What should you say when you meet a ghost?
A: Howdo you boo, sir?

Q: What kind of mistakes do ghosts make?
A: Boo boo's!

Q: Why did the ghost go to the amusement park?
A: He wanted to go on a rollerghoster !

Q: Who's the most important member of a ghost's football team ?
A: The ghoulie !

Q: When does a ghost have breakfast?
A: In the moaning.

Q: What's a ghost's favorite breakfast?
A: Ghost toasties with booberries, Scream of Wheat or Dreaded wheat !

Q: What do ghosts drink at breakfast?
A: Coffee with scream and sugar.

Q: What is a ghost's favourite dessert ?
A: Boo-Berry pie with I-scream !

Q: What do ghosts dance to ?
A: Soul music !

Q: Where do ghosts live ?
A: In a terrortory !

Q: What color are ghosts?
A: BOOOO!

Q: When do ghosts usually appear ?
A: Just before someone screams !

Q: What's a ghost's favorite ride?
A: A roller ghoster!

Q: What do ghosts have in the seats of their cars ?
A: Sheet belts !

Q: What do ghosts eat for dinner ?
A: Ghoulash !

Q: What kind of ghost has the best hearing ?
A: The eeriest !

Q: What does a ghost swim in?
A: The Dead sea!

Q: Who did the ghost invite to his party?
A: Anyone he could dig up!

Q: Who was the famous ghost detective?
A: Sherlock Moans.

Q: What vehicle does a kid ghost like to ride?
A: A boocycle.

Q. Why did the ghost go to the doctor?
A: To get a Booster shot.

Q. What do ghosts eat for breakfast
A: Dreaded wheat.

Q: How did the ghost patch his sheet?
A: With a pumpkin patch.

Q: What is a ghost's favorite bird? A: scare crow!

Q: What does a ghost put on his cereal in the morning?
A: Boonanas and Booberries.

Q: What kind of cars do ghosts drive?
A: Boo--icks.

Q: What's a ghosts favorite Broadway play?
A: phantom of the opera!

Q: What did one ghost say to another?
A: Do you believe in people?

Q: What did one ghost say to another?
A: Do you believe in people?

Q: What do ghosts eat for dinner?
A: Spook-ghetti.

Q. What is a ghost favorite article of clothing?
A: Boojeans.

Q: Where does a ghost go on Saturday night?
A: Anywhere where he can boo-gie.

Q: What time is it when a ghost haunts your house?
A: Time to move to a new house!

Q: What's a ghosts favorite desert?
A: Boo-berry pie & I scream.

Q: What tops off a ghost's ice cream sundae?
A: Whipped scream.

Q: What did the mother ghost say to the baby ghost ?
A: Put your boos and shocks on !

Q: Why are ghosts cowards ?
A: Because they've got no guts !

Q: What story do little ghosts like to hear at bedtime?
A: Ghoul delocks & the scares.

Q: What is a ghost's favorite party game?
A: Hide-and-go-shriek.

Q: What do ghosts say when something is really neat?
A: Ghoul

Q. Why did the ghost rush home from school?
A: To watch an after-ghoul special on TV.

Q. What do you get if you cross a cocker spaniel, poodle, & a ghost?
A: A cocker-poodle-boo!

Q: What happens when a ghost gets lost in the fog?
A: He is mist.

Q: Who protects the shores where spirits live?
A: The Ghost Guard!

Q: What did the boy ghost say to the girl ghost?
A: You look boo-tiful tonight.

Q: Why do girl ghosts go on diets?
A: So they can keep their ghoulish figures.

Q: Why did the game warden arrest the ghost?
A: He didn't have a haunting license.

Q: What did one ghost say to the other when they fell down?
A: I got a booo booo.

Q. What kind of tie does a ghost wear to a formal party?
A: A boo-tie.

Q: What kind of makeup do ghosts wear?
A: mas-scare-A:

Q: Why do ghosts and demons get along so well?
A: Because demons are a ghosts best friend.

Q. Who did the ghost go with to the Halloween party?
A: With No-Body!

Q: What do baby ghosts wear on their feet?
A: Boo-ties!

Q: What did the little ghost have in his rock collection?
A: Tombstones

Q: What do ghosts mail home while on vacation?
.A: Ghostcards.

Q: What do ghosts do when they're in hospital ?
A: They talk about their apparitions !


Q: What's the st thing ghosts do when they get in a car?
A: They boo-kle their seatbelts

Monster Jokes

Q: What's a monster's favorite play?
A: Romeo and Ghouliet

Q: Why did the monster eat a light bulb?
A: Because he was in need of a light snack

Q: What kind of cereal do monsters eat?
A: Ghost-Toasties

Q: Why wasn't there any food left after the monster party?
A: Because everyone was a goblin!

Q: Do monsters eat popcorn with their fingers?
A: NO, they eat the fingers separately.

Q: What do you do with a green monster?
A: Wait until it ripens.

Q: What is a monster's favorite food?
A: Ghoul scout cookies.


Q: What's a monsters favorite bean?
A: A human bean.


Q: How do you keep a monster from biting his nails?
.A: Replace the nails with screws.

Q: What type of monster really loves dance music?
.A: The boogieman!

Q: What is a monster's favorite food?
.A: Ghoul scout cookies.

Q: What position does a monster play on the soccer team?
.A: Ghoulie.

Q: What kind of hot dogs do monsters like best?
.A: Hallowieners.

Q: What's the name of the book of socially prominent monsters?
.A: The Book of who's Boo.

Q: Why are monsters forgetful ?
A: Because everything goes in one ear and out the others !

Q: Why did the monster knit herself three socks ?
A: Because she grew another foot !

Q: What is the difference between a huge smelly monster and a sweet ?
A: People like sweets !

Q: What has a purple spotted body, ten hairy legs and big eyes on stalks ?
A: I don't know either but there is one crawling up your leg !

Q: What do you say when you meet a two headed monster ?
A: Hello, hello !

Q: What is the best way to speak to a monster ?
A: From a long way away !

Q: What is big, red and prickly, has three eyes and eats rocks ?
A: A big, red, prickly three eyed rock eater !

Q: What kind of monster has the best hearing ?
A: The eeriest !

Q: How you can tell if you have had a monster in your fridge ?
A: It leaves footprints in the butter !

Q: Who did Frankenstein take to the prom?
A: His ghoul friend.

Q: Why are monsters covered in wrinkles?
A: Have you ever tried to iron a monster !

Q: Why are monsters green ?
A: Because they didn't take their travel sickness pills !

Q: Why do monsters wear glasses ?
A: So they don't bump into other monsters !

Q: What do you get if a huge hairy monster steps on Batman and Robin ?
A: Flatman and Ribbon !

Q: What time is it when a monster sits on your car ?
A: Time to get a new one !

Q: What game do monsters play with ants ?
A: Squash !

Q: Did you hear about the monster who had eight arms ?
A: He said they came in handy !

Q: How do you keep an ugly monster in suspense ?
A: I'll tell you tomorrow !

Q: How do you greet a three headed monster ?
A: Hello, hello, hello !

Q: What is a sea monster's favourite dish ?
A: Fish and ships !

Q: Monster: Where do fleas go in winter ?
A: Werewolf: Search me !

Q: Why are monsters forgetful ?
A: Because everything goes in one ear and out the others !

Q: Why did the monster knit herself three socks ?
A: Because she grew another foot !

Q: What is the difference between a huge smelly monster and a sweet ?
A: People like sweets !

Q: What has a purple spotted body, ten hairy legs and big eyes on stalks ?
A: i don't know either but there is one crawling up your leg !

Q: What do you say when you meet a two headed monster ?
A: Hello hello !

Q: What is the best way to speak to a monster ?
A: From a long way away !

Q: What is big, red and prickly, has three eyes and eats rocks ?
A: A big, red, prickly three eyed rock eater !

Q: Why are monsters green ?
A: Because they didn't take their travel sickness pills !

Q: Why do monsters wear glasses ?
A: So they don't bump into other monsters !

Q: What kind of monster has the best hearing ?
A: The eeriest !

Q: Who did Frankenstein take to the prom?
A: His ghoul friend.

Q: Who did Frankenstein take to the prom?
A: His ghoul friend.

Q: What did Dr. Frankenstein get when he put his goldfish's brain in the body of his dog?
A: I don't know, but it's great at chasing submarines.

Q: What did the grandfather monster say to his grandson when they hadn't seen each other for quite awhile?
.A: You gruesome.

Mummy Jokes

Q: Where do mummies go for a swim?
A: To the dead sea

Q: Why was the mummy so tense?
A: He was all wound up.

Q: Why don't mummies take vacations?
A: They're afraid they'll relax and unwind.

Q: Why couldnt the mummy come outside?
A: Because he was all wrapped up!

Q: What is a Mummies' favorite type of music?
A: Wrap!!!!!

Q: Why don't mummies take vacations?
.A: They're afraid they'll relax and unwind.

Q: What kind of girl does a mummy take on a date ?
A: Any old girl he can dig up !

Q: Why did the mummy leave his tomb after years ?
A: Because he thought he was old enough to leave home !

Q: Where do mummies go if they want to swim ?
A: The Dead Sea !

Q: Why were ancient Egyptian children confused ?
A: Because their daddies were mummies !

Pumpkin Jokes

Q: What's the ratio of a pumpkin's circumference to its diameter?
A: Pumpkin Pi

Q: How do you mend a broken Jack-o-lantern?
A: With a pumpkin patch!

Q: What's black, white, orange, and waddles?
A: A penguin with a jack-o-lantern.

Q: What's black, white, orange, and waddles?
A: A penguin with a jack-o-lantern.

Skeleton Jokes

Q: Who won the skeleton beauty contest?
A: No body

Q: What do skeletons say before they begin dining?
A: Bone appetit !

Q: When does a skeleton laugh?
A: When something tickles his funny bone.

Q: Why didn't the skeleton dance at the Halloween party?
A: It had no body to dance with.

Q: What type of art do skeletons like?
A: Skull tures

Q: What did the skeleton say when his brother told a lie?
A: You can't fool me, I can see right through you.

Q: What did the skeleton say while riding his Harley Davidson motorcycle?
A: I'm bone to be wild!

Q: Why didn't the skeleton dance at the party?
A: He had no body to dance with.

Q: What do you give a skeleton for valentine's day?
A: Bone-bones in a heart shaped box.

Q: Who was the most famous skeleton detective?
A: Sherlock Bones.

Q: Who was the most famous French skeleton?
A: Napoleon bone-apart

Q: What instrument do skeletons play?
.A: Trom-BONE.

Q: What does a skeleton orders at a restaurant?
A: Spare ribs!!!

Q: When does a skeleton laugh?
A: When something tickles his funny bone.

Q: Why didn't the skeleton eat the cafeteria food?
A: Because he didn't have the stomach for it!

Q: Why couldn't the skeleton cross the road?
A: He didn't have the guts.

Q: Why are skeletons usually so calm ?
A: Nothing gets under their skin !

Q: Why do skeletons hate winter?
A: Beacuse the cold goes right through them !

Q: Why are graveyards so noisy ?
A: Beacause of all the coffin !

Q: Why didn't the skeleton go to the party ?
A: He had no body to go with !

Q: What happened when the skeletons rode pogo sticks ?
A: They had a rattling good time !

Q: Why did the skeleton go to hospital ?
A: To have his ghoul stones removed !

Q: How did the skeleton know it was going to rain ?
A: He could feel it in his bones !

Q: What's a skeleton's favourite musical instrument ?
A: A trom-bone !

Q: How do skeletons call their friends ?
A: On the telebone !

Q: What do you call a skeleton who won't get up in the mornings ?
A: Lazy bones !

Q: What do boney people use to get into their homes ?
A: Skeleton keys !

Q: What do you call a skeleton who acts in Westerns ?
A: Skint Eastwood !

Q: What happened to the boat that sank in the sea full of piranha fish ?
A: It came back with a skeleton crew !

Q: What do you call a skeleton snake ?
A: A rattler !

Q: What is a skeletons like to drink milk ?
A: Milk - it's so good for the bones !

Q: Why did the skeleton stay out in the snow all night ?
A: He was a numbskull !

Q: What do you call a stupid skeleton ?
A: Bonehead !

Q: What happened to the skeleton who stayed by the fire too long ?
A: He became bone dry !

Q: What happened to the lazy skeleton ?
A: He was bone idle !

Q: Why did the skeleton pupil stay late at school ?
A: He was boning up for his exams !

Q: What sort of soup do skeletons like ?
A: One with plenty of body in it !

Q: Why did the skeleton run up a tree ?
A: Because a dog was after his bones !

Q: What did the skeleton say to his girlfriend ?
A: I love every bone in your body !

Q: Why wasn't the naughty skeleton afraid of the police ?
A: Because he knew they couldn't pin anything on him !

Q: How do skeletons get their mail ?
A: By bony express !

Q: Why don't skeletons play music in church ?
A: They have no organs !

Q: What kind of plate does a skeleton eat off ?
A: Bone china !

Q: Why do skeletons hate winter ?
A: Because the wind just goes straight through them !

Q: What's a skeleton's favourite pop group ?
A: Boney M !

Q: What do you do if you see a skeleton running across a road ?
A: Jump out of your skin and join him !

Q: What did the old skeleton complain of ?
A: Aching bones !

Q: What is a skeleton ?
A: Somebody on a diet who forgot to say "when" !

Q: What happened to the skeleton that was attacked by a dog ?
A: He ran off with some bones and didn't leave him with a leg to stand on !

Q: Why are skeletons so calm ?
A: Because nothing gets under their skin !

Q: What do you call a skeleton that is always telling lies ?
A: A boney phoney !

Q: Why didn't the skeleton want to play football ?
A: Because his heart wasn't in it !

Q: What happened to the skeleton who went to a party ?
A: All the others used him as a coat rack !

Q: What do you call a skeleton who presses the door bell ?
A: A dead ringer !

Q: When does a skeleton laugh?
A: When something tickles his funny bone.

Q: How did skeletons send their letters in the old days?
A: By bony express!

Q: How do you make a skeleton laugh?
A: Tickle his funny bone!

Vampire Jokes

Q: What has webbed feet, feathers, fangs and goes quack-quack?
A: Count Duckula
Q: What does a vampire fear most?
A: Tooth decay

Q: Where did the vampire open his savings account?
A: At a blood bank

Q: What does a baby bat say before going to bed?
A: Turn on the dark. I'm afraid of the light!

Q: What is Transylvania?
A: Dracula's terror-tory

Q: Where does Dracula water ski?
A: On Lake Erie

Q: How do vampires get around on Halloween night?
A: By blood vessels.

Q: What's the part of a restaurant where vampires don't suck blood?
A: The non-Suckers section.

Q: What kind of ship does Dracula own
A: Blood vessel.

Q: Why doesn't anyone like Count Dracula?
A: He's a pain in the neck.

Q: What do you call Count Dracula's cookout?
A: Vampire camfire.

Q: What does Dracula say when introduced to someone?
A: "Hello, pleased to eat you!"

Q: How do vampires drive around?
A: In their bloodmobiles.

Q: What is Dracula's position in baseball?
A: Batboy

Q: Who is the Dracula's super hero girl friend?
A: Bat Ghoul.

Q: What is the largest building in Transylvania?
A: The Vampire State Building.

Q: Why did Dracula go to jail?
A: Because he robbed the blood bank.

Q: What's a vampire's favorite feast?
A: Fangsgiving Day dinner.

Q: Why did the vampire's lunch give him heartburn?
A: It was a stake sandwich.

Q: What do you call a dog owned by Dracula?
A: A blood hound.

Q: What is a vampire's favorite fruit?
A: A neck-tarine.

Q: Why does Dracula consider himself a good artist?
A: Because he likes to draw blood!

Q: Whom did Dracula take out on a date?
A: His ghoul friend!

Q: What is the best way to talk to Count DraculA:
A: Long distance.

Q: What do you get when you cross a vampire with a computer?
A: A know-it-all, that's really a pain in the neck.

Q: Which building does Dracula visit in New York?
A: The Vampire State Building.

Q: Who is a vampire likey to fall in love with?
A: The girl necks door.

Q: What's it like to be kissed by a vampire?
A: It's a pain in the neck.

Q: How can you tell when a vampire has been in a bakery?
A: All the jelly has been sucked out of the jelly doughnuts.

Q: How does a girl vampire flirt?
A: She bats her eyes.

Q: Was Dracula ever married?
A: No he's a bat-chelor.

Q: Where does Dracula keep his valuables?
A: In a blood bank.

Q: What did the kid vampire say to his mommy at bedtime?
A: "Mommy, turn off the switch. I'm afraid of the light!"

Q: What is worst than a hungry vampire?
A: A thirsty vampire.

Q: Why did the teacher send Dracula jr. home?
A: Because he was coffin too much.

Q: What do you give a vampire with a cold?
A: Coffin Drops!

Q: What does a weight-conscious vampire drink?
A: Blood Light.

Q: What is the favorite test that vampires love to take?
A: A blood test.

Q: What did the teacher say to Dracula after he failed his math test?
A: Can't you count Dracula!

Q: What is a vampire's favorite game?
A: Bat-miton.

Q: What is a vampire's favorite fruit?
A: A neck-tarine.

Q: Why does Dracula consider himself a good artist?
A: Because he likes to draw blood!

Q: Why did the vampire need mouthwash?
A: He had bat breath.

Q: What is the best way to talk to Count DraculA:
A: Long distance.

Q: Why didn't Dracula get married?
A: He never met a nice Ghoul!

Q: What is Count Dracula's favourite snack?
A: .A fangfurter !

Q: What is red, sweet and bites people ?
A: A jampire !

Q: What do you call a dog owned by Dracula ?
A: A blood hound !

Q: What was the Californian vampire hippy like ?
A: He was ghoul man, real ghoul !

Q: What's a vampire's favourite sport ?
A: Batminton !

Q: What happened to the mad vampire ?
A: He went a little batty !

Q: What do vampires have at eleven o'clock every day ?
A: A coffin break !

Q: How does a vampire like his food served ?
A: In bite sized pieces !

Q: Where do vampires go on holiday ?
A: The Isle of Fright !

Q: Why did the vampire take up acting ?
A: It was in his blood !

Q: Who plays centre forward for the vampire football team ?
A: The ghoulscorer !

Q: What do you get if you cross a vampire with a snail ?
A: I don't know but it would slow him down !

Q: Which vampire ate the three bears porridge ?
A: Ghouldilocks !

Q: Why did the vampire go to hospital ?
A: He wanted his ghoulstones removed !

Q: What's a vampire's favourite drink ?
A: A bloody mary !

Q: What's a vampire's favourite dance ?
A: The fangdango !

Q: Which vampire tried to eat James Bond ?
A: Ghouldfinger !

Q: What do vampires think of blood transfusions ?
A: Newfangled rubbish !

Q: Why did the vampire baby stop having baby food ?
A: He wanted something to get his teeth into !

Q: What happened at the vampires race ?
A: It finished neck and neck !

Q: Where did vampires go to first in America ? A: New Fangland !

Q: What happened at the vampires reunion ?
A: All the blood relations went !

Q: What do you get if you cross Dracula and Al Capone ?
A: A fangster !

Q: What do vampires sing on New Year's Eve ?
A: "Auld Fang Syne" !

Q: Why did Dracula go to the dentist ?
A: He had fang decay !

Q: What did the vampire say to the wolfman ?
A: You look like your going to the dogs !

Q: What is the American national day for vampires ?
A: Fangsgiving day !

Q: If you want to know more about Dracula what do you have to do ?
A: Join his fang club !

Q: Why are vampire families so close ?
A: Because blood is thicker than water !

Q: What flavour ice cream is Dracula's favourite ?
A: Veinilla !

Q: Why did the vampire sit on a pumpkin ?
A: It wanted to play squash !

Q: Why do vampires like school dinners?
A: Because they know they won't get stake !

Q: How do you join the Dracula fan club ?
A: Send your name, address and blood group !

Q: What's a vampire's favourite animal ?
A: A giraffe !

Q: Why was the young vampire a failure ? A: He fainted at the sight of blood !

Q: What happened to the vampire who swallowed sheep ?
A: He felt baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad !

Q: What's Dracula's favourite coffee ?
A: Decoffinated !

Q: What do you get if you cross Dracula with Sir Lancelot ?
A: A bite in shining armour !

Q: What does a vampire bath in ?
A: A bat tub !

Q: What did the vampire say after he had been to the dentist ?
A: Fangs very much !

Q: What kind of medicine does Dracula take for a cold ?
A: Coffin medicine !

Q: What does the postman deliver to vampires ?
A: Fang mail !

Q: What's Dracula's favourite soup ?
A: Scream of tomato !

Q: What does a vampire stand on after taking a shower ?
A: A bat mat !

Q: What's a vampire's favourite dance ?
A: The vaults !

Q: What do romantic vampires do ?
A: Neck !

Q: Why do vampires hate arguments ?
A: Because they make themselves cross !

Q: What does a vampire say to the mirror ?
A: Terror, terror on the wall... !

Q: What is a vampire's favourite film character ?
A: Batman !

Q: Why do people hate being bitten by vampires ?
A: Because it's a drain in the neck !

Q: If a snowman marries a vampire, what will they name their first child?
A: Frostbite

Q: Why doesn't anybody like Dracula?
A: He has a bat temper.

Q: Why did Dracula go to the dentist?
A: He had a fang-ache.

Q: Why are vampires like false teeth?
A: They all come out at night.

Q: Why did Dracula take cold medicine?
A: To stop his coffin.

Q: Why does Dracula wear patent leather shoes?
A: Sandals don't look good with his tuxedo.

Witch Jokes

Q: Why don't angry witches ride their brooms?
A: They're afraid of flying off the handle!

Q: What do witches put on their hair?
A: Scare spray

Q: How does the witch know what time it is?
A: She looks at her witch-watch.

Q: What is a witch's favorite subject in school?
A: Spelling!

Q: What did the witch do when her broomstick broke?
A: She witch-hiked!

Q: What does a witch kid want for Christmas?
A: A haunted dollhouse.

Q: Why do witches wear name tags?
A: So, they would know which witch is which!

Q: How do witches tell time?
A: With a witch watch.

Q: What do you call two witches living together?
A: Broom-mates.

Q: What does a witch ask for when she is in a hotel?
A: Broom service.

Q: What did one witch say to other when she asked for a lift?
A: "There's always broom for one more."

Q: When do witches cook their victims?
A: On Fry Day.

Q: What do you call a witch who lives at the beach?
A: A sand-witch.

Q: What do you call a motorbike that belongs to a witch?
A: A brrrooooommmm stick

Q: Who was the most famous witch detective?
A: Warlock Holmes

Q: What do they teach in witching school?
A: Spelling.

Q: Why does a witch ride a broom?
A:Vacuum cleaners get stuck at the end of the cord.

Q: What do you call a witch's garage?
A:A broom closet.

Q: What did the witch do when her broomstick broke?
A:She witch-hiked!

Q: What do witches eat at Halloween ?
A:Spooketti, halloweenies, devils food cake and booberry pie !

Q: What story do little witches like to hear at bedtime ?
A:Ghoul deluxe and the three scares !

Q: How does a witch tell the time ?
A:With a witch watch !

Q: Why did the witch put her broom in the washing machine ?
A:She wanted a clean sweep !

Q: What do you call two witches that share a room ?
A:Broom mates !

Q: What noise does a witch's breakfast cereal make ?
A:Snap, cackle and pop !

Q: What is a witch with poison ivy called ?
A:An itchy witchy !

Q: What's a cold, evil candle called ?
A:The wicked wick of the north !

Q: What is evil, ugly and black and goes round and round ?
A:A witch in a revolving door !

Q: What is evil and ugly on the inside and green on the outside ?
A:A witch dressed as a cucumber !

Q: What happens if you see twin witches ?
A:You won't be able to see which witch is witch !

Q: Why did the witch give up fortune telling ?
A:There was no future in it !

Q: Why did the baby witch smile when she came out in blotches ?
A:Because it was an 'appy rash !

Q: What does a witch get if she is a poor traveller ?
A:Broom sick !

Q: How did the witch almost lose her baby ?
A:She didn't take it far enough into the woods !

Q: Why did the stupid witch keep her clothes in the fridge ?
A:She liked to have something cool to slip into in the evenings !

Q: Where did the witch get her furniture ?
A:From the ideal gnome exhibition !

Q: Why did the witch put her broom in the wash ?
A:She wanted a clean sweep !

Q: What has six legs and flies ?
A witch giving her cat a ride !

Q: What has handles and flies ?
A: A witch in a dustbin !

Q: What is evil and ugly and bounces ?
A: A witch on a trampoline !

Q: What did the doctor say to the witch in hospital ?
A: With any luck you'll soon be well enough to get up for a spell !

Q: What do witches race on ?
A: Vroomsticks !

Q: Why do witches scratch themselves all the time ?
A: Because they're the only ones who know where a witch itches !

Q: Why did the witch wear a green felt pointy hat ?
A: So she could walk across snooker tables without being seen !

Q: How can you tell when a witch is really ugly ?
A: When a wasp stings her it closes his eyes !

Q: Why did the witch go over the mountain ?
A: Because she couldn't go under it !

Q: How do witches tell the time ?
A: By looking at their witch watches !

Q: What's the best way of talking to a warty witch ?
A: By telephone !

Q: How can you tell an Italian witch from an English one ?
A: By her suntan !

Q: What is evil, ugly and goes at mph ?
A: A witch on a high speed train !

Q: How is the witches team doing ?
A: They're having a spell in the first division !

Q: Have you heard about the good weather witch ?
A: She's forecasting sunny spells !

Q: What did one witch say to another when they left the cinema ?
A: Do you want to walk home or shall we take the broom !

Q: What is a witches favourite book?
A: Broom at the top !

Q: What's the witches favourite pop group?
A: Broomski Beat !

Q: What makes more noise than an angry witch?
A: Two angry witches !

Q: What's the best way of seeing a witch?
A: On the television !

Q: What did the witch write in her Christmas card?
A: Best vicious of the season !

Q: What do you get if you cross a flea and a witch?
A: Very worried dogs !

Q: What do little witches like to play at school?
A: Bat's cradle !

Q: What happened to the witch with an upside down nose?
A: Every time she sneezed her hat blew off !

Q: What happened when the witch went for a job as a TV host?
A: The producer said that she had the perfect face for radio !

Q: What kind of music do witches play on the piano?
A: Hag-time !

Q: What is old and ugly and can see just as well from both ends?
A: A witch with a blindfold !

Q: Why did the witch join the football club?
A: Because she heard they were looking for a new sweeper !

Q: What is the best way of stopping infection from witch bites?
A: Don't bite any witches !

Q: What should you expect if you drop in on a witches home unexpectedly?
A: Pot luck !

Q: What do witches sing at Christmas?
A: "Deck the halls with poison ivy...."
!

Q: What is old, ugly and blue?
A: A witch holding it's breath !

Q: What do you call a witch that climbs up walls?
A: Ivy !

Q: Why was the witch late for the party?
A: She'd lost her witch-watch !

Q: What do you call a witch with one leg?
A: Eileen !

Q: What is old and ugly and goes beep beep?
A: A witch in a traffic jam !

Q: Why is a witch like a candle?
A: They are both wicked !

Q: Why did the witch keep turning into Mickey Mouse?
A: She kept having Disney spells !

Q: Why did the witch wear yellow stockings?
A: Because her grey ones were at the cleaners !

Q: What goes cackle, cackle, squelch, squelch?
A: A witch in soggy shoes !

Q: What usually runs in witches' families?
A: Noses !

Q: What goes cackle, cackle, boom? A: A witch in a minefield !

Q: What happens to witches when it rains?
A: They get wet !

Q: What is black, old & ugly and has four wheels?
A: A witch on a skateboard !

Q: What do you call an old hag that lives by the sea?
A: A sandwitch !

Q: What is the difference between a musician and a dead witch?
A: One composes and the other decomposes !

Q: What do you get if you cross an owl with a witch?
A: A bird that's ugly but doesn't give a hoot !

Q: Why did the witch go to the psychiatrist?
A: Because she thought everybody loved her !

Q: Why won't a witch wear a flat hat?
A: Because there is no point in it !

Q: What do you call a witch that stays out all night?
A: A fresh air freak !

Q: What do you get if you cross a witch and an iceberg?
A: A cold spell !

Q: Why is the air so clean and healthy on Halloween?
A: Because there are so many witches sweeping the sky !

Q: What do you call a witch by the side of the road with her thumb out?
A: A witchhiker !

Q: What is the favourite subject of young witches at school?
A: Spelling !

Q: Why did the witch consult an astrologer?
A: She wanted to know her horror-scope !

Q: What is the difference between a witch and the letters M A K E S?
A: One make spells and the other spell makes !

Q: What do little witches do after school?
A: Their gnomework !

Q: Why do witches ride on broomsticks?
A: Because it's quicker than walking !

Q: What's a witches favourite film?
A: My Fear Lady !

Q: What do witches say when they overtake each other?
A: Broom, broom, broom !

Q: Why do witches get good bargains?
A: Because they like to haggle !

Q: What is the difference between a deer running away and a small witch?
A: One's a hunted stag and the other is a stunted hag !

Q: Why did the young witch have such difficulty writing letters?
A: She had never learnt to spell properly !

Q: What goes cackle, cackle, bonk?
A: A witch laughing her head off !

Q: What are baby witches called?
A: Halloweenies !

Q: What do you call a witches motor bike?
A: A baaaarrrroooooooommmm stick !

Q: How can you tell if a witch has a glass eye?
A: When it comes out in conversation !

Q: What is the witches motto?
A: We came, we saw, we conjured !

Q: What happens to a witch when she loses her temper while riding her broom?
A: She flies off the handle !

Q: How do you make a witch itch?
A: Take away the "w" !

Q: What do you call a nervous witch?
A: A twitch !

Q: What kind of tests do they give in witch school?
A: Hex-aminations !

Q: What do you get if you cross a sorceress with a millionaire?
A: A very witch person !

Q: How do witches on broomsticks drink their tea?
A: Out of flying saucers !

Q: What do witches ring for in a hotel?
A: B-room service !

Q: Who's the fastest witch?
A: The ones that ride on a vroom stick !

Q: Why do witches fly on broomsticks?
A: Because vacuum cleaners are too heavy !

Q: What kind of jewellry do warty witches wear on their wrists?
A: Charm bracelets !

Q: Why didn't the witch sing at the concert?
A: Because she had a frog in her throat !

Q: What do you call a witch Who drives really badly?
A: A road hag !

Q: What should you do if you find a witch in your bed?
A: Run !

Q: What happened to the naughtly little witch at school?
A: She was ex-spelled !

Q: Why did the witch buy two tickets to the zoo?
A: One to get in and one to get out !

Q: What sound does a witch make when she cries?
A: "Brew-hoo, Brew-hoo" !

Q: Why should men beware of beautiful witches?
A: They'll sweep them off their feet !

Q: Is it true that a witch won't hurt you if you run away from her?
A: It all depends on how fast you run !

Q: How does a witch make scrambled eggs?
A: She holds the pan and gets friends to make the stove shake with fright !

Q: How do you make a witch float?
A: Blend two scoops of ice cream, and one witch!

Q: What does a witch enjoy cooking most?
A: Gnomelettes !

Q: When can you tell when witches are carrying a time bomb?
A: You can hear their brooms tick !

Q: How do warty witches keep their hair out of place?
A: With scare spray !

Q: What do you call a pretty and friendly witch?
A: failure !

Q: Why are witches fingernails never longer than inches?
A: Because if they were inches they'd be a foot !

Q: What do you do if a witch in a pointy hat sits in front of you at the cinema?
A: Miss most of the film !

Q: Why is a witches face like a million dollars?
A: It's all green and wrinkly !

Q: What's evil and ugly and goes up and down all day?
A: A witch stuck in a elevator !

Q: What do you call a witch you likes the beach but is scared of the water?
A: A chicken sandwitch !

Q: Who went into a witche's den and came out alive?
A: The witch !

Q: What do you call two witches who share a broom sticks?
A: Broom mates !

Q: What do witches use pencil sharpeners for?
A: To keep their hats pointed !

Q: Why do witches only ride their brooms after dark?
A: That's the time to go to sweep !

Q: What did the witch say to the ugly toad?
A: "I'd put a curse on you but it looks like someone beat me to it" !

Q: Whats the difference between a broomstick and a pumpkin?
A: Ever tried broomstick pie?
!
Q: What's the best advice you can give to a witch on a broomstick?
A: Don't fly off the handle !

Q: What did the young witch say to her mother?
A: Can I have the keys to the broom tonight !

Q: Why do witches wear pointy black hats?
A: To keep their heads warm !

Q: Why are black cats such good singers?
A: They're very mewsical !

Q: When is it unlucky to see a black cat?
A: When your a mouse !

Q: What do you get if you cross a witches cat with Father Christmas?
A: Santa Claws !

Q: What do witches cats like for breakfast?
A: Mice krispies !

Q: What do you get if you cross a witches cat with a canary?
A: A peeping tom !

Q: What do you call it when a witches cat falls off a broomstick?
A: A catastrophe !

Q: Why did the witch feed her cat with pennies?
A: She wanted to put some money in the kitty !

Q: What did the black cat say to the fish?
A: I've got a bone to pick with you !

Q: What do you call a witches cat that drinks vinegar?
A: A sour puss !

Q: What do you call a witches cat with no legs?
A: Anything you like, she won't be able to chase you !

Q: What do you get if you cross a witches cat and a canary?
A: A cat with a full tummy !

Q: What has four legs, a tail, whiskers and cuts grass?
A: A lawn miaower !

Q: What has four legs, a tail, whiskers and goes round and round?
A: A black cat stuck in a clothes dryer !

Q: What did the black cat do when its tail got cut off in an accident?
A: He went to a retail store !

Q: What do witches cats strive for?
A: Purrfection !

Q: What is a little witch's favorite subject in school?
A: Spelling!

Q: Which story do all little witches love to hear at bedtime?
A: "Ghoul Deluxe and the Three Scares."

Werewolf Jokes

Q: Mommy, why do all the other Kids call me a Werewolf?
A: Stop talking and brush your face!
Q: What gift did the werewolf parents give to their son?
A: A comb !

Q: What happened when the wolf fell in the washing machine ?
A: He became a wash and werewolf !

Q: What happened to the werewlf who ate garlic ?
A: His bark was worse than his bite !

Q: Who are some of the werewolves cousins ?
A: The whatwolves and whenwolves !

Q: Where does the werewolf sit in the cinema ?
A: Anywhere he wants to !

Q: What do you get if you cross a werewolf and a frog ?
A: A creature that can bite you from the other side of the road !

Q: How do you know if a werewolf's been in the fridge ?
A: The paw prints in the butter !

Q: How do you know if two werewolves have been in the fridge ?
A: Two pairs of paw prints in the butter !

Q: What does it mean if you find a werewolf in the fridge in the morning ?
A: You had some party the night before !

Q: How do you stop a werewolf chasing you ?
A: Throw a stick and say fetch !

Q: What do you get if you cross a hairdresser and a werewolf ?
A: A creature with an all over perm !

Q: What happened when the werewolf swallowed a clock ?
A: He got ticks !

Q: Why shouldn't you grab a werewolf by it's tail ?
A: It might be the werewolf's tail but it could be the end of you !

Q: Why are werewolvse thought of as quick witted ?
A: Because they always give snappy answers !

Q: Why did the parents call their child "Camera" ?
A: Because they were always snapping !

Q: What do you call a hairy beast with clothes on ?
A: A wear-wolf !

Q: What do you call a hairy beast that is lost ?
A: A where-wolf !

Q: What happens if you cross a werewolf and a sheep ?
A: You have to get a new sheep !

Q: What is fearsome, hairy and drinks from the wrong side of a glass ?
A: A werewolf with hiccups !

Q: What do you call an extinct hairy beast ?
A: A were-wolf !

Q: What do you call a dentist who cleans a werewolf's teeth?
A: CRAZY!!!!!

Q: What kind of monster is washing machine safe?
A: A wash and wear wolf

Jokes

Q: What happened to the guy who couldn't keep up payments to his exorcist?
A: He was repossessed.

Q: What do birds give out on Halloween?
A: Tweets.

Q: What do goblins drink when there hot and thirsty?
A: Ghoul-aid!!!

Q: Why do demons and ghouls hang out together?
A: Because demons are a ghouls best friend!

Q: what do you get when you cross a black cat with a lemon.
A: sour-puss

Q: What can't you give the headless horseman?
A: A headache.

Q: Why did the headless horseman go into business?
A: He wanted to get ahead in life.

Q: What did the cannibal get when he was late for dinner?
A: The cold shoulder.

Q: What's a zombie's favorite cold breakfast cereal?
A: Rice Creepies.

Q: What do you call the architectural plan of a haunted house?
A: A boo print.

Q: What did the scarecrow use to patch himself?
A: A pumpkin patch!!!

Q: What is the most frightful way to travel?
A: By scareplane!

Q: What do cannibals eat for dessert?
A: Chocolate covered aunts.

Q: What is a cannibal's favorite game?
A: Swallow the leader.

Q: Where do cannibals shop for fine furniture?
A: Eatin' Allen's.

Q: Have you heard about the cannibal restaurant?
A: Dinner costs an arm and a leg.

Q: Why can't you bury people who live opposite a graveyard ?
A: They're not dead yet!

Q: How did the glamorous ghoul earn her living ?
A: She was a cover ghoul !

Q: How do you know that you are talking to a undertaker ?
A: By his grave manner !

Q: Why was the little boy unhappy to win first prize for the best costume at the Halloween party ?
A: Because he just came to pick up his sister !

Q: Why was everyone tickled by the fried chicken at the Halloween party ?
A: Because the feathers were still on the chicken.

Q: Why did the boy carry a clock and a bird on Halloween ?
A: It was for "tick or tweet" !

Q: What do stupid kids do at Halloween ?
A: They carve a face on an apple and go bobbing for pumpkins !

Q: Why don't apples smile when you go bobbing ?
A: Because they're crab apples !

Q: How do you get the most apples when bobbing at Halloween?
A: Wear a snorkel !

Q: What is a devils picket line called ?
A: A demonstration!

Q: What is the demons' favourite TV sitcom?
A: Fiends !

Q: Why do demons and ghouls get on so well ?
A: Because demons are a ghouls best friend !

Q: What do you call a demon who slurps his food ?
A: A goblin !

Q: What is the best way to get rid of a demon ?
A: Exorcise a lot !

Q: What did the demon do when he bought a new house ?
A: He called it "Gnome Sweet Gnome" !

Q: What do demons have for breakfast ?
A: Devilled eggs !

Q: What do demons have on holiday ?
A: A devil of a time !

Q: Why do demons hang out with ghouls ?
A: Because demons are a ghouls best friend !

Q: Did you hear about the ghouls favourite hotel ?
A: It had running rot and mould !

Q: What airline do ghouls fly with ?
A: British Scareways !

Q: Why are teachers happy at Halloween parties ?
A: Because there is lots of school spirit !

Q: A boy went to a Halloween party with a sheet on his head. "Are you a ghost ?"
A: "No, I'm an unmade bed !"

Q: A boy went to a Halloween party with a sheet on his head. "Are you an unmade bed ?"
A: "No, I'm an undercover agent !"

Q: What do you call a wizard from outer space ?
A: A flying sorcerer !

Q: What happened to the wizard who brushed his teeth with gunpowder ?
A: He kept shooting his mouth off !

Q: What happened when the wizard turned a boy into a hare ?
A: He's still rabbiting on about it !

Q: Why did the wizard where red, white and blue suspenders ?
A: To keep his trousers up !

Q: What's the first thing that a wizard does in the morning ? A: He wakes up !

Q: What do wizards stop for on the motorway ?
A: Witchhikers !

Q: Why did the wizard jump off the top of the Empire State Building ?
A: He wanted to make a hit on Broadway !

Q: What do you get if you cross a river with an inflatable wizard ?
A: To the other side !

Q: What do you get if you cross a dinosaur with a wizard ?
A: Tyrannosaurus hex !

Q: What do you call a wizard who's black and blue all over ?
A: Bruce !

Q: What do you call a wizard who lies on the floor ?
A: Matt !

Q: What do you call a wizard lying in the gutter ?
A: Dwayne !

Q: Who did the wizard marry ?
A: His ghoul-friend !

Q: What happened to the wizard who ran away with the circus ?
A: The police made him bring it back again !

Q: What do you call a wizard who has fallen into the sea on a barrel ?
A: Bob !

Q: What must a wizard be to receive a state funeral ?
A: Dead !

Q: What kinds of wizards can jump higher than a bus ?
A: All of them, busses don't jump !

Q: What happened when the wizard met the witch ?
A: It was love at first fright !

Q: What would happen if you threw lots of eggs at a wizard ?
A: He would be egg-sterminated !

Q: If a wizard was knocked out by Dracula in a fight what would he be ?
A: Out for the count !

Q:Two cannibals were talking. The first says, "Gee, I hate my mother-in-law."
A: The nd replies, "So, try eating something else.

Q: "Your wife sure makes a good roast." commented the first cannibal.
A: "Yeah," replied the second. "I'm really going to miss her."

Q: Two cannibals are eating a clown.
A: One says to the other, "Does this taste funny to you?"